do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
