Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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