i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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