I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
