if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
