Got a toothbrush?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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