I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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