hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
