His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
