Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
