Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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