She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
