from now on my penis is your penis
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
