i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
