DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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