the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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