I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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