I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
