does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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