Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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