I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
bring money and cleavage
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
