She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
