We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
