true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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