Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
