When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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