I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
