Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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