the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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