Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
