I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
How's work?
Spinning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
