My room smells like vodka and shame
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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