he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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