In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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