he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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