I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
