One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
