Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
