saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
