Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
