i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
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BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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