Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
