hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
