She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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