He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
