glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
