don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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