I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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