I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize