I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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