He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
