i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
