Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
