my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You don't make any sense
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