honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
