I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
