Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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