so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
