Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
