Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
