one two three fourrrrnication!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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