he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
