Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
