I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
