you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
