I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
