erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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