You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
