Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
