Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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