Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
