I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
