I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize