Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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