So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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