so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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