Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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