So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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