the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
