You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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