Cold hands, warm shart.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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