I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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