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I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
